Sunday, January 7, 2007

Do Unto Others As You Wish On You

Being away from my home country Malaysia for a such long time (almost 9years), I always love a trip back to Malaysia (preferably my own home town outskirt of KL) whenever I can.
The food is fantastic, people are fine (though might be ignorant at times) and environment are pure & less metropolitan.
My best friends & longest friends are from Malaysia.

Only that my parents had ways of making these trips seem hell instead. I had enough from work. I am tired. I wish I could take a break. As a kid, I always dream of going far away (as far as USA. Moreover, USA has every freedom & rights.)
I always got screamed at & scolded at for anything that will irk them.

When I cried, I had to hide from them, cause my dad hates kids who cry. He'll be running with a sharp-&-long-as-a-sword-kind of cane if I show sign of sobbing. However, due to my fear, timit & suppression, I did end up a cry baby. I'd cry when I got angry, when I fell helpless and most especially when I had the most pathetic self-pity.

I didn't like being born this way. IT was indeed a childhood nightmare. I felt that as a kid, I was deprived of so many things, of material things that I now ended up shopaholic because I felt that I never had anything as a kid. I love to buy things that I could never have in the past. I ended up dreaming so much because I never had the chance to experience much.
Which is why I love to travel. I could be far away. Far from all the problem, far from the people who depressed me.

I came back to a sibling's home to stay. You would think there isn't anything wrong staying in your own sibling's place. However, my folks would always discourage me from going to my brother's place. Saying that I'd trouble him, or his wife, or his children. My brother & I have a fantastic relationship. And my nieces & nephew adore my husband. I adore them a great deal too.
My mum has a great way of answering questions with questions. She also has a great way with questioning everything. Plus defining answers or statement in the most unexpected way. This is where you must believe that "What you say may not be what is heard".
While I have only one sibling to love & to care. Her generation has lots of siblings to hate & to rival.

I seriously do not understand.

Whatever happened to "Blood is thicker than water"?

We ended up hiding facts from her & some other elderly. Frankly, if some people learn that "Mind Your own business" is true, there wouldn't be so many problems in our lives.
We have problem at work place, worries for our children & their safety, care & aware of our future needs & providence. Even the government make lives difficult for us. Why do people want to create more problem in lives than there already are? Worse, by our own relatives or immediate family member?

I had to harshly tell my mum to reflect on herself. Of what she has made herself to look like. Why she has grandchildren who do not really want to be close to her. (I can't say that to my dad. Because he's a stubborn Stalin who would never listen or bend.) I do have personality problem myself. But I always had to do self-reflection. No matter how I fail ( I normally blame it on upbringing) but I had to try really hard to improve myself. And although I look like I have the dream job or easy job, it's a tough surviving world. It's no joke.

Many people said I'd mature after I get married. There is a truth to this. I somehow mellow down quite a bit. My husband has been really kind. He has been very tolerant & compromising. He leads me by example. And he try to comfort me by his love. He does pampers me. Now I feel that I must do him some justice.

As for my mum,.. she found out today I came home without letting her know. She complained that we behave as though she's dead. I answered her "We treat you as though you made our lives difficult. This is true. We don't think of you as dead but I did have my many moments where I wished I wasn't born at all". Then perhaps.. I wouldn't have to face all this. I wouldn't have cause all the problems & trouble I never intended.

We behave the way we behave because we just wanted to stay out of trouble. We just wanted to have peaceful lives & live life happy ever after. Now, would anyone let us?

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